I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
what day is it and did you see me today?
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize