Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
