I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
