May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
