My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
