Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
