He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize