I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize