It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Randomize
