You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
