It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Randomize