How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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