I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
