also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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