He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Randomize
