I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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