Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
