If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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