I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
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