happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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