I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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