she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
