Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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