So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize