I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
