I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
