we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
