Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
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