Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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