I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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