She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
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