period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
