I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
false alarm, still single
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
