It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Randomize