Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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