how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
