$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Randomize
