some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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