is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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