Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
