Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
