I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
