I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
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