Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
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