The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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