I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize