they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Randomize
