i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
