The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
