If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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