Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
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