I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Those nachos came to me in a dream
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
