Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
