i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
