so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
