I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Randomize
