I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
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