Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
