I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize
