He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
