hell yes lets make some ravioli
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
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