Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Randomize
