Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
