WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
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