I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
