please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Someone came in the potted fern
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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