Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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