Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I need to stop coming to work sober
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Randomize
