Whod you bang
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
