I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize