This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I'm sobbing to NWA
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Randomize
