I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Randomize
