Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
