He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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