making cat noises will not fix the situation.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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