vagina is talking i cant
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
