I'm so fucking centered right now
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
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